Teen Girl With a Satchel: new seasons & wallflowers
As my final term of school ever winds down, and teachers frantically try to stuff as much information into our brains as possible, I’ve been feeling very nostalgic.
I cried the other day reading The Perks Of Being A Wallflower when some of the characters graduated high school because I realised how close mine was. My friends will probably get sick of me declaring "GUYS! This is the last (day) of week (number) we'll ever have in high school!" but I'm the kind of person who celebrates fraction birthdays, so they should be used to me by now.
This feeling was only added to by my brother turning 21 and having a massive party full of people from our past. As we reminisced over memories and created new ones, I realised just how lucky I have been in the first 18 years of my life, and how excited I am for my new path, just around the corner.
Here I am, trials completed, university application sent in, frantically revising for the looming HSC. Nightmares about handing in blank exam papers behind me, the three-hour exams and pressure to remember a year's worth of work are looking a lot simpler than I had imagined.
The epiphany came in the middle of a Geography exam. As I sat there, blindly guessing multiple choice answers (I definitely do not take my advice from a Jonas Brothers interview in which Joe answers "B" to everything), I realised that, sitting in a hall, writing some information, doing your best, well, it's really not the end of the world.
This is doable. Life is all about tests. And we don't have to do it alone. If I had to pick just one favourite bible verse, I think I would have to say it would be Deuteronomy 31:8. "The Lord Himself goes before and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."
Don’t get me wrong, my trial exam marks were nowhere near perfect, but that’s the point; trials show you where you’re going wrong so you can fix any glitches before the real deal. Perhaps there is something bigger in that for us all?
The closer the HSC and grad gets, the less I feel prepared. Not prepared in a "I haven't studied" way, because though I am the queen of procrastination, I do also get my homework done (most of the time). I mean prepared in a..."how am I meant to enter the real world?" kind of way.
I am the most immature eighteen year old I know, and my preference of sleeping to partying is one not rivalled by many in my year. Growing up around year twelve students (thank you, teacher-parents), I always imagined I'd feel like an adult at this point...but I don't.
I spent last weekend in Sydney attending the various university open days. I’ve had my heart set on Sydney University for more years than I can remember, and walking around the gorgeous campus only served to further cement the dream in my head.
Touring the colleges, I had all my fingers and toes crossed that one will say yes to me, even though my sporting ability is akin to a doorknob's and I never quite managed to gain a school leadership position.
A standard interview question is, "What would you bring to college life?". What would I bring? Well, I like to sit in my room and watch Doctor Who, if that's a contribution. I also like eating tacos and crying over fictional couples. Am I sounding like a perfect candidate yet?
I'm a little bit in love with the trailer for the Perks movie at the moment, and there's a bit in it where Patrick gets (what I assume is) his final marks back, and he has received a C-. He raises his hands above his head and shouts "I'M BELOW AVERAGE!" but he's not upset by it. He's embraced it.
While watching it, I had the realisation that I'm wasting my life stressing about marks every day. If Patrick can be happy being below average, surely I can manage to smile if I get an 80 per cent (I may or may not have cried last time I got that mark. Or something).
Life does not revolve around your ATAR, and I'm not going to spend my last ever weeks in High School having panic attacks because I'm not getting super high marks. If I study, and try, I will get the marks I deserve. And if that's a C-, well, Patrick and I can be below average together.
Besides, it's all about the learning, not the marks, right?
Despite my lack in some areas, and the unhelpful comments made by people who insist on stomping on my optimism, I can’t wait to begin my Arts Degree next year and can't help but smile because despite the competitive, crushing nature of life beyond school, I know my dreams are bigger than my fears.
Meanwhile, it's back to the books (and dancing 'round my room to Taylor Swift tunes* and procrastiblogging)!
Georgie Carroll blogs at Frangipani Princess
*"We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" = once again Taylor Swift has absolutely nailed it. My neighbours may or may not have seen me dancing around singing this at the top of my lungs.