Mags: Shop turns snarky

Coming down off a major shopping high (I have the consumer equivalent of a nasty all-nighter hangover: my one saving grace being "it's my birthday and I'll shop if I want to"), I thought it appropriate to look into Shop... with the full knowledge that only this trusty glossy could fully appease my shopper's remorse.

Unfortunately, the snarky undertones of some of the features left me feeling less than fabulous... like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman put down by the snooty sales assistants.

The cover... Scarlett's a pale girl – a shade of skin not traditionally celebrated in bronzed Lara Bingle Australia, but should be. Props to Shop for making beach chic pale and interesting. I do wonder, though, is ScarJo capable of doing a look other than sexpot?

In a first for Shop, this issue contains a profile piece (I'm thinking 800 words) on its cover subject, who we all know has a new film out (Vicky Cristina Barcelona). Of course, being Shop, it features quotes from the actress on her stylistic choices ("I'm very small and very curvy... and [4os and 50s] style clothes look good on me").

The ed. says... Justine Cullen writes about her failed attempts at New Year's resolutions (daily yoga practise, home-prepared lunches, eschewing Cadbury Favourites, using night cream). Cliched? Yes. But Cullen has an every-girl confessional style that's quite endearing: "I take homemade lunch in to work for two days, eat it at 11am, get hungry by 3 and buy lunch...".

The story lineup:

• '20 reasons you don't look as good on holiday as you think you do (& ways to look better)', accompanied by a shot of the lithe Gisele Bundchen (as well as the caption: "Think you look like this? Probably not..."), is a bit mean, really. Packing a huge dose of harsh truth serum, the piece includes reality checks about the "extra fullness" around your middle ("dress in stretch fabrics and move on") and your inability to pack an outfit that looks good on you ("wear your one-piece as a bodysuit and slide into your jeans... people may mistake you for an older, less pretty sister of the Olsens"). The message is, essentially, you're incapable of looking good and are clueless when it comes to packing, beauty, eating, accessorising and buying clothes that suit you. You are also fat. Perhaps I am having a sensitive day or missing a humour button, but women already feel so much pressure in bikini season, why add to their mental load?
  

• To make you feel even better, a page on we get 'What models don't leave home without'. Pictures of eight models accompanied by Q&As revealing that the only products they need to look as fabulous as they do is Lucas' Paw Paw Ointment and a toothbrush. Kill me now.

• 'Be Sale Savvy' is a little more reassuring in its advice, with some timely, tried-and-true reminders, though there's still a little snarkiness ("Rule 18: It's not a bargain if it doesn't suit you... perhaps you are the fairest of them all - or maybe those jeans make you look like you're baking bread in your underwear."). It's like the issue's taken its theme from He's Just Not That Into You.

• 'How To Dress Like Kate Moss' is a four-page tribute to the blonde style queen (someone who knows how to dress/pack/avoid eating) – a visual feast for Moss lovers – featuring 'ten best secrets' from Kate Moss Style by Angela Buttolph. Want to dress a la Moss? Then "do denim edgily", "make it look effortless", "go for quality", "go for authenticity", "wear it tight to the torso", "focus on clothes", "be a dress-code rebel", "keep prints timeless", "mix and mismatch" and "when in doubt, by diamonds."
  

• Shop gets serious (in relative terms: this is not Time magazine) with: Is this the end of the It-bag? by Meg Mason, who is at first perplexed by the It-bag's demise: "We've spent months on waiting lists to get them" (me? no) but the evidence mounts: those in the know (Stephanie Solomon of Bloomingdales) have spoken. The bag is dunzo. Blame the democratisation of luxury, celebrities, the ownership of said bags by over-funded 15-year-olds and the proliferation of the knock-off. Rather like seeing a snobby girl get her comeuppance, I don't lament this fateful ending. Shop suggests that now it's all about "the anti-It-bag" – bold, fun and affordable. Hooray.

• 'Style Counsel' pairs real girls with career stylists, with the women sharing their experiences and what they learned. So now we all need a stylist, a hairdresser, a manicurist, a facialist, a waxer, spray-tanner... are we capable of doing anything ourselves?

• In 'Material World', Celeste Mitchell (a friend of GWAS) muses on the credit crunch and the brand extension activities of top-line designers: from sunglasses and home collections to cocktails, hotels and nightclubs. Yes, she says, this is nothing new: Palazzo Versace on the Gold Coast has been in operation for years now. But now all the major brands are jumping on the bandwagon. Brand your life! Mitchell ends on this 'reality check' note: "Who'd have thought your signature style would involve someone else's signature?"

The superficial:

• 'Easy Street' comes with this sell line: "the simple buys that create spring's coolest looks". Now, I know the looks are probably inspired by the spring/summer catwalks, but Jan issues usually represent high summer in Australia. Still, it's a cute shoot featuring a pale and interesting brunette model in neutral (black, beige, silver, cream, brown, fawn) separates and this season's clunky shoes. The model makes white crochet shorts look cute – mere mortals may not.

• 'White Heat' ("summer's crisp whites") is the second main fashion spread. Another pale model - this time a blonde. I see more crochet, sculpted tops, floaty dresses, mini skirts, see-through singlets and high-waisted shorts.

• 'SHOPPING SPREE" is all about "pretty little things" (i.e. "all the trinkets you need to update any old outfit". That be cocktail rings, statement necklaces, cuffs, brooches, earrings and headbands. I'm very prone to finding sneaky little things like this in my shopping bags if I've been on a binge... and have usually blanked out buying them ("Oh, I forgot I bought those earrings! How fabulous!"). Usually bought on impulse, unless for a special occasion, jewellery is rather like the lollies/chocolate biscuit you forgot you ate.
  

• 'Your 2009 Beach Essentials' is a tight, eight-page edit of hats, sunnies, gladiator sandals, beach bags, bikinis, tees, towels, watches, short shorts, beach umbrellas and beach reads.

• The third main fashion spread = 'Last Resort', which - would you believe? - features a model in relaxed, resort-style holiday clothes. It's very easy on the eye. I want to emulate the outfit on page 113 (it's a no-brainer: navy shorts, white blazer, grey singlet, tan belt) and buy a wide-brimmed black hat.

• 'Cheap & Chic' opens with a fabulously bright tribal-like Billabong bikini ($89.95) and is followed by the usual parade of celebrities, this time in playsuits and leopard print. The month's 'Star Style' subjects are eating disorder candidates Rachel Zoe and Mary-Kate Olsen, who just happen to make clothes look cute.
  

• SHOP Beauty gives us product in neutral tones (to complement our outfits?), a guide to colour care, a 'Big hair' masterclass, the 'Best Beauty Tips Ever' (loving the still-life shots, simplicity of lay-out and easy-to-follow tips, though eight pages seems excessive.)

• 'The New Guard' introduces us to new beauty muses Leighton Meester, Amada Seyfried, Anne Hathaway and Maggie Gyllenhaal, who all get a close-up and complementary product suggestions (though not necessarily endorsed by said celeb).

• 'Destination beauty' is a duty-free shopping guide for the well-travelled. The kind that might go on a spa holiday or indulge in a little weekend/lunch time pampering because she's worth it (see also 'The Spa Report'). Jet-setters might also like the 'Foreign Exchange' feature targetting shopping hot spots Pasadena, Brooklyn, Istanbul, Stockholm, Brussels and Bali.
  

• The lifestyle section also contains a wine guide, an edit of globes (y'know, the world map but round), and an 'Inside My Home' with pretty Natasha Levak, an interior designer.
  

The shoppary: Seventh Wonderland One-Piece, $209, page 16; Natalie Wood One-Piece (@ Mint), $149.95, p18); Witchery Playsuit, $169.95 (58); Robert Robert Ballet Flats, $229.95 (58); Pink Mimco cocktail ring, $169 (71)... I could go on!

The score:
Overall excitement factor: 5/6
Feel-good factor: 1/2/3!
Eye-candy rating: 3/4

The stats:
Issue: January 2009
Book size: 204 pages
Editor: Justine Cullen
Publisher: ACP Magazines
Website: www.shoptilyoudrop.com.au

Yours truly,
Girl With a Satchel