UK Glamour breaks stinky-poo breath taboo

Constipated? Smoker? On Atkins? Take antidepressants? Drink champagne? Skip brekkie? Don't drink water? Been dumped recently? Missed out on a promotion? Friends cringe when you whisper something to them during a movie? Um, has anyone mentioned your breath smells like road kill?

Yep, kick those 'I'm too fat', 'I'm not pretty enough', 'I'm not smart enough' and 'nobody likes me' insecurities to the curb – it's probably just your toxic exhaling keeping your share price down. But, thanks to UK Glamour, the final frontier on our way to blissful happiness and good social relations can be overcome... only, sadly, you can't self-diagnose dog breath; someone has to give it to you straight.

According to the feature, 'Warning: Toxic Breath Can Kill!', by Jo Revill, death breath is the fourth most common reason for being dumped. Basically, you can blame your tongue, as the bacteria responsible for bad breath live in the tiny holes on its surface. She lists the main causes of your smelly scent as:

- dry mouth: your breath smells like butt in the morning because your mouth's dried out. Saliva cleanses your mouth by removing the dead, decomposing cells accumulated on your tongue, gums and cheeks;
- medical problems: sinusitis, strep throat, tonsillitis and bronchitis can produce more bacteria than usual, resulting in bad breath). Constipation can also be to blame - eat your fibre, girlies.
- Diet: a study by the University of Minnesota School of Public Health found people following low-carbohydrate diets, like Atkins, are more likely to suffer from halitosis because the body burns fat stores, which causes a build-up of organic compounds which are then released in the breath. People who fast are also prone to foul breath because of a breakdown of chemicals. Onion and garlic stay in your system for ages (24 hours) leading to more pong and champagne's sugar content makes you smell sour.
- Smoking: yet another reason to ditch the ciggies. Smoking dries out your mouth and smokers are more likely to contract gum disease.
- Prescription meds: antihistamines and antidepressants can lead to a dry mouth and bad breath.

Sadly, says Glamour, self-diagnosing toxic breath is near-on impossible, so pray that you have a friend or family member brave enough to tell you the truth when you do a blow test (if they wince, that's a clue). Thankfully, the solutions Glamour offers are kinda simple: brush your teeth, floss, drink water, see your dentist, eat breakfast (to get saliva flowing), use mouthwash before bed, and eat natural yoghurt (it reduces levels of hydrogen sulphide, which is linked to the break down of protein and makes you stanky).

I'll bet Reese Witherspoon is the kind of girl who never has bad breath – she probably doesn't fart either, though she may have let a cheeky one slip during the photo shoot (see evidence)...

Glamour says Reese, the most successful woman in Hollywood and quintessential Type A alpha woman, is sexier and more comfortable in her own skin since winning an Oscar and ending her marriage in the same year – and her life's recent dramas have only improved her ability to empathise with people. She still doesn't like to party (which is cool, 'cause Jake is a homebody), and won't do sleazy magazine covers, like some less accomplished actresses: "If they take their clothes off, they objectify themselves. I'm flabbergasted by how many actresses do it." In lieu of taking drugs and hitting the town, she looks after her two kids and hangs out with her girlfriends. She doesn't court fame either: "The celebrity culture has taken over the American media. Sometimes I think, 'Does anyone read books anymore?" And doesn't approve of celebrities using their profiles for political gains: "I don't agree with aligning myself and using the influence that I have as an actor to promote someone's political agenda. At the end of the day, I don't believe that I truly know all of people's motivation and I don't want to be responsible for them either. That said, I have very strong political ideas - I think we all should - I just choose to keep them private." Smart cookie.

Another actress who's had her fair share of dramas is columnist Terri Hatcher, who this month urges us to stop worrying, then proceeds to worry herself into a stupor. She says her survivor mentality causes her to worry and lose sleep, as she tries to anticipate everything: "I know it's true that our negative thoughts not only exhaust us, but also engage us in a self-fulfilling prophecy of getting exactly what we feared..." she says before throwing to the bona fide experts on the subject who answer 10 reader questions, like "The size of my debts are overwhelming" and "I'm scared I won't be able to have a baby".

If all this talk of worry gets you down, simply make a mess! Yep, the mag puts a positive spin on your haphazard household by suggesting those random piles of clothes will give you inspiration, your messy desk improves your efficiency (so long as you know where stuff is), your lack of diary organisation opens you up to serendipity and choosing not to clean will make you feel more in control of your life than being a household slave. Better now?

Elsewhere in this issue, Jason Donovan really gets on my nerves by using every cliche in the book ("Fame actually found me, but success doesn't keep you warm at night"), dropping several F-bombs, laughing at his own jokes, feigning self-deprecation ("I guess I've got back into people's hearts and minds but celebrity is a pantomime. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out, 'Am I cool or am I not cool?' Now I just think, 'Who gives a shit?' I mean, just the other day some bloke asked me, "How does it feel to be cool again?"), copping out on marrying the mother of his children ("We'll see. I come from two divorced parents, so..."), and reiterating that he's enjoying his life, when you get the impression he's still wanting. Thankfully, he doesn't care what people think.
Unlike Lily Allen's 21-year-old actor brother, Alfie, who was incriminated as a weed smoker in one of his sister's songs: "Elements of the song were true but my big sister was exaggerating... The song gave me the kick up the behind I needed."

'A sex cult stole my childhood' is a riveting first-person 'reality' read about the Children of God sect (it doesn't get any more warped than this – it makes Scientology look perfectly agreeable by comparison), while in 'Think like a sex shrink', Tracey Cox helps people with regular couple bedroom problems. Author Brian Alexander tells us 'What men really care about in love' (and really don't), the mag predicts which celeb couples will still be together in '09 (Brad and Ange will feel the strain but might just make it).

I always LOVE Glamour's fashion and beauty pages, as they're so accessible, easy to interpret and always beautifully photographed – all crisp and clean in the studio or uncomplicated on the street (quite Sartorialist, come to think of it). It's more about showing off the clothes and styling than how arty certain lighting can look and obscuring the models/clothes themselves. It's also refreshing to see trends (albeit some of them a tad dated) interpreted for the reader into something wearable and true-to-life, rather than dedicating pages to key designer looks straight off the catwalk.

First in fashion, 'What you want vs what you need' shot by Jonty Davies, styled by Emer Dewar and featuring garb by YSL, Mike & Chris, Philosophy di Alberta Ferretti, Stella McCartney, Miu Miu, See by Chloe, Moschino, Prada, Made in Heaven, Louis Vuitton, Gap and 3.1 Phillip Lim...




Then there's 'Work (or play) the trends' photographed by Walter Chin, styled by Vanessa Gillingham, modelled by a 12-year-old (at least, that's how old she looks) and featuring clothes by Theory, Burberry, See by Chloe, D&G, Just Cavalli, Luella, Marc by Marc Jacobs, Karen Walker, Margaret Howell, APC, Marni and Marks & Spencer...


'Wish You Were Here' is very cute. Shot by Sean Cook, styled by Natalie Gubbins and featuring garb by Urban Outfitters, Dorothy Perkins, Benetton, Topshop, Gap, Miss Selfridge, Russel & Bromley, Miss Sixty, Thomas Burberry, Lacoste, Nine West, Roxy, Adidas, Sass & Bide and Sisley...

The beauty imagery is always TDF...

This month there's a focus on brows ('Your guide to brows that wow') and hair (see above).

The issue ends with '10 dating faux pas you should never ever make (by the girl who's made them all)' – aka Tanya de Grunwald – which includes: "Be prepared for an unwelcome lunge. After one date, the guy was clearly gearing up to kiss me - but because I didn't really fancy him, I panicked. What did I do? Peck him on the cheek and wish him good night? No, I saluted." Hilarious.

Overall excitement factor: 7
Feel-good factor: 5/6 (though paranoid about bad breath)
Eye-candy factor: 4

The Stats
Issue: February 2008
Book size: 218 pages
Cover price: £2.20/US$4.99
Inside front cover: D&G
Back cover: Lancome
Front-of-book ads: Estee Lauder, Just Cavalli, Clinique, Versace, Guess, Clarins, Miss Sixty...
Publisher: Conde Nast
Editor: Jo Elvin
Website: www.glamour.com

Yours truly,
Girl With a Satchel