Dial M for Marie Claire and Madison

This month, our favourite 'mature' women's glossies try to out-fat each other. Marie Claire weighs in at 426 pages (its 'Biggest Issue Ever'). Madison falls short with 332 but comes bagged with a metallic makeup purse and sample-sized Lancome Skin Defence & Perfecting Serum, which adds considerable bulk. Between the chunky Dolly and bulging Madison this month, there's not a lot of room left on the stands.

Covers: Aussies are the go this month, with Marie Claire's Nicole Kidman and Madison's Delta going head to head (speaking of heads, despite their 17-year age difference, can you spot the difference in their skin?). Delta looks tanned and toothy in a peach Alex Perry gown, while Nicole looks demure and pale in navy. Delta has a new album out. Nicole has a new movie coming out. Both have had a crap time of it over the past couple of years; both are dedicated to their current beaus. Nicole tells us she's never had Botox and, besides, she has more important things to worry about, like the friend battling throat cancer, her sister's divorce and, perhaps, that her children are being raised by crazy Tom Cruise.

Delta says "It has taken me three years to be able to get to this point and I think if all of that mess didn't happen, I wouldn't be where I am right now" (the "mess" being cancer, ditching her mum as manager, former boyfriend Mark Philo-poo-poo shacking up with Paris and boyfriend Brian McFadden's marriage break-up and subsequent bad press and bad album/ticket sales).

Features: Predictably, there's some cross over with features. Both magazines cover the story of the polygamous cult known as the Fundamentalist Church of the Latter-Day Saints (FLDS), a breakaway sect of the Morman church. While both stories are excellent, Marie Claire's is an edited extract from Escape by Carolyn Jessop, who fed from the sect, which packs a real personal punch.

Both magazines contain a provocative (read: boobs and butts) story. Madison goes to the Miss Pole Dance Australia 2007 championships; Marie Claire "shakes a tail feather" at the Miss Exotic World pageant in Las Vegas. There's a pro-Burlesque, pro-pole-dancing spin – they are extensions of femininity and sexuality and empowering! I can personally feel feminine, empowered and sexy in a pair of Lee jeans, but each to their own, I suppose. Always embarrassing stories to read on the bus.

While Marie Claire's features focus is very much global (she's a 'woman of the world', after all) and Madison's has been more parochial to date, the line up is usually quite similar: society, real life, celebrity, relationships... The recipe's always the same; the ingredients, of course, differ from month to month. Elsewhere in the December issues:

Madison

• 'The Plot Thickens', the story of Australian teen rape victim Tegan Wagner (her book, The Making of Me, is quite the read). Sobering.
• 'This Is Not Angelina', an 8-page pictorial extract from photographer Alison Jackson's book, Confidential, in which real people impersonate celebrities in controversial set-up shots. Her work is like social commentary. Mildly disturbing.
  
• 'Defence Force' is a compelling read. It's the story of Perth woman Mirella Scaramella whose boyfriend was a suspect (he was convicted, went to jail for three years, then later released after the conviction was overturned) in the murder of Phillip Walsham.
  
• 'Why Bridget Jones is So Over' by Lesley Thomas, a well balanced look at the societal division between singles and marrieds and the book character who started it (or, at least, brought our attention to it).
• 'The Woman Who Changed the Face of Aids', an autobiographical piece by Vincent Lovegrove, whose wife and son died from the disease. Moving and informative. It's like we're living in the decade that AIDS forgot (cancer being so prominent and all) and yet it still affects so many.
  
• 'The Year in Beauty' by Katrina Lawrence is a lighter five-page feature looking at the, um, looks that had us, um, looking in 2007 (the pob, black nails, eye shimmer, size zero, red hair). Odd for the features section but a relief after the intensity of the earlier features.
• 'Napoleon Dynamite', editor Paul Joye's account of her time in LA with publicity tart Napoleon Perdis.
  
• Eye Candy: Adrain Grenier, playboy and all-round egomaniac.
  
• 'Lights, Camera, Dior-ama' by Sherine Youssef, a two-page feature on the history of Dior.
• 'The $6,000-a-Day Stylist', a six-page extract, with accompanying pictures and illustration, from Rachel Zoe's book (treat!).
  

Marie Claire

• 'Child's Play' is a photographic 'reportage' feature compiled by Anna Saunders in which eight celebrities (including Elle and Delta) pose in set-ups reminiscent of their favourite childhood memory. Readers can go to marieclaire.com.au to bid on the signed and framed portraits to raise money for The SMILE foundation, a charity for children suffering rare illnesses not covered by other charities for funding.
• 'Teething Troubles - Why Babies Come Between Best Friends' gives both the mother's and friend's perspective, as well as opinion from social commentator Hugh Mackay. Neither woman holds back with her frustrations.
  
• 'War of Words' by Jana Wendt. Wendt tells the story of Syrian-born psychiatrist Wafa Sultan who has an Islamic death warrant on her head after making statements on Al Jazeera about why she had rejected her faith. She said of the difference between the Muslim and Western world: "It is a clash between a mentality that belongs to the Middle Ages and another that belongs to the 21st century... It is a clash between freedom and oppression, between democracy and dictatorship... a clash between human rights on the one hand and the violation of these rights on another." For more, read Wendt's new book, A Matter of Principle. Though it's a profile piece, and despite my Christian faith, I can't help but think this piece does a disservice to the Islamic women in Australia. The mentality is, 'If only you could see the light', while we are loathe to point a finger at the failings of Western democracy and religion and, ooh, atheism.
  
• 'The New Age of Dating' takes us behind the scenes of a 'toy boy' night. The speed-dating evening is "billed as an opportunity for women to indulge in their very own Mrs Robinson fantasy." Here's to you...! A new term has been coined to describe older women (think Samantha Jones) on the dating scene: cougars (younger women are 'kittens'). According to urbancougar.com, the cougar is "a sophisticated species of female who seeks the pleasure of younger males, who avoids the entanglements of a relationship in favour of the freedom of the hunt." The story ends with a factual break-out box: there were 20,000 fewer men than women in their 30s in Australia in 2004. Watch out, 20-something men!
  
• 'Women's Lives Should Be Saved', a report on "the secret shame of how Australian foreign aid is implemented." Apparently we no longer contribute financially to family planning/safe abortion schemes due to legislation changes brought forward by Tasmanian senator Brian Harradine. The story says that Australia and the US are the only two donor countries to place strict restrictions on overseas aid for foreign planning. Meanwhile, our friends in the UK are founding donors of a safe abortion fund set up to replace funding lost when George W reinstated a 'global gag rule' denying funding yo any group that provides information about abortion or abortion services.
  
• 'When Will I Be Famous', by former Dolly entertainment reporter Rebecca Couche, who's now based in New York as a freelancer, takes us to Idol Camp (a place for your kid will cost you $3250, though their application must be approved first – competition is fierce).
  
• "Why am I always the one before the one?" by Charlotte Ward is a personal account of a woman who unknowingly preps men for marriage by dating them. I know so many women who are guy-trainers and I've totally been one myself – you do all the hard work then some other girl comes in and dates/moves in with/marries your ex. These women should be on commission.
  
• 'Face to Face with the Girl Guerillas' is a report on female Kurdish freedom fighters. Little girls should be playing with My Little Pony, not shotguns. Sad.
• Fashion Report: four looks that defined a time.
• 'Meet the Sex Disciples' - a writer goes to orgasm school. Blimey.
• 'Glamour King' - six lush pages devoted to Zac Posen, arguably the new Marc Jacobs.
  

From Features to Fashion...

Suffice to say the main fashion in both magazines is amazing. I particularly love...

- Marie Claire's 'La Riviera' (so Frenchy, so chic – dress me up and take me there!); 'The Fast Lane' (the glamour!); and 101 ideas.
- Madison's 'On A Night Like This' styled by Milka Prica (that girl sure has an eye) – I'm loving the Sportsgirl singlet top paired with sequined Shakuhachi skirt and amazing eye makeup; and 'The Re Mix' (the model looks like a cross between Paula Joye and Paris Hilton).

I am hugely impressed by the single-page fashion/shopping offerings both magazines give us this month – almost overwhelmed by the sheer amount of stuff I want.

Beauty
Madison gives us a Masterclass with Kate Moss, which is excellent because we so rarely (if ever) hear about what, for example, she uses on her skin to keep it looking amazing despite heavy drug use (Jurlique face wash, Dr Sebagh exfoliant, Dr Hauschka Rose Day Cream); there are tips for freshening up your party make-up and hair; the magazine's sub-editor is made over at four different beauty counters 9I lobe her Bobbi Brown and Revlon looks); Paula Joye has styled the main beauty shoot, starring Pania Rose (you could slap any makeup on her and she'd look stunning, mind, but the shots are immaculate) and Stephanie Darling puts a personal spin on scents (it's scent season on the mags!). We're also treated to shots of Keira Knightley on the set of the Chanel Mademoiselle ad. In health, Madison asks 'Stress: can it ever be good for you?' and the answer is "yes, if it's the right kind."

Marie Claire shows us how to look a bit disco for the party season, while Victoria Meppem writes about – guess what?! – perfume! Meppem's story is also of a personal note. We're also shown how to get three styles of pony-tail and, as in Madison, repair our faces after a late night. There's a male grooming special to hand over to your man (or guide you when buying him Christmas gifts), too.

Basic Stats
Marie Claire: circulation 115,500 (ABC); readership 453,000 (Roy Morgan Sep 07); published by Pacific Magazines; editor Jackie Frank; cover price $7.95
Madison: circulation 97,511 (ABC); readership 270,000 (Roy Morgan); published by ACP Magazines/PBL Media; editor Paula Joye; cover price $8.20

How exhausting – I have magazine reading fatigue. Remind me to never do a double review again!

Yours truly,
Girl With a Satchel