Cosmo blondes

To qualify as a Cosmo columnist this month, you must be:
a) Blonde
b) Beautiful
c) Sexy
d) Smart in a Candace Bushnell way
e) Happy to participate in activities outside your comfort zone (blondes do have more fun, after all).

Unfortunately for them, spitfire Frankie columnist Mia Timpano and that zany-looking e-flirt columnist 'Garladarling' don't meet the new criteria. Perhaps Frankie pulled the plug on Timpano's moonlighting gig; or some pages had to be cut for the mammoth amount of advertising/promotional material; or perhaps the mag remembered that its forte is 'mainstream' and 'aspirational', not 'quirky' and 'offensive'?

Instead this month, the blonde columnist/contributor roll call includes:
- features editor, and friend of GWAS, Caelia Corse ('Too much information'; 'Does wearing yellow fix bloating?'; Know & Tell section editor)
- features writer Sarah Reid (Web Crawler; Self & Help etc. section editor; Food & Bodybook section editor; Cool & Listed section editor)
- Rachel Zoe ('What Hollywood is wearing')
- Sam and the City blogger Samantha Brett ('Tantric Sex Lessons')
- TV host/journo/author Kathryn Eisman ('Extra-Curricular Just Got Sexy')
- writer/author Lollie Barr ('Silly Season Snacking')

In fact, the blondes are really over-represented in this issue (not that I'm a bitter brunette or anything):
Cover: Kate Hudson
Inside front cover: Just Jeans ad – model Elyse Taylor
Pics of Kate Moss, Kylie Minogue, Jennifer Hawkins, Katherine Heigl and Victoria Beckham, all before page 40... you get the gist. Thankfully, on page 38 we have model/humanitarian Alek Wek representing the other side of the colour spectrum. Brunette beauty editor Leigh Campbell also has a preference for her own kind: brownies Rachel Bilson and Eva Mendes are featured on her pages.

You know what's also over-represented in this issue? Everyone's favourite Christmas present – perfume! There's a nice, three-page editorial feature to keep the advertisers happy (Merry Christmas; now send me some more of that smelly stuff. No doubt all the Cosmo girls will get their pick when Kris Kringle time rolls around.)

Perfume ads:
Christina Aguilera (ed. mention? Tick!)
M Mariah Carey (ed. mention? Tick!)
Kate by Kate Moss (ed. mention? Tick!)
Dreaming by Tommy Hilfiger (ed. mention? Double tick! Nice complementary story, 'The Secret Truth About Your Dreams', on page 117)
Hugo Boss
Paco Rabanne (ed. mention? Tick!)
L, a L.A.M.B Fragrance by Gwen Stefani (ed. mention? Tick!!!)
Covet by Sarah Jessica Parker (ed. mention? Tick! See 'Hot & Wanted')
Clinique Happy
Kylie Minogue Sweet Darling

To be fair to Cosmo, this kind of gratuitous editorial favourage (favourage = new word of the day... 'favouritism' is so overdone!) is rife/standard amongst the women's glossies.

Editor's letter: It's time for Sarah Wilson to say good-bye. And she does it in the most entertaining fashion! Love the story about the ambitious workie who stole magazines from the office, styled and shot her own shoot in the fashion cupboard for her portfolio, told Wilson her goal was "to have your job in two years" and posted a blog revealing who the mag's next cover girl would be... all before emailing Wilson to ask for a job. Gold! Wilson is "off to write a book and move on to other adventures", while former Dolly editor Bronwyn McCahon is due to step into her Cosmo shoes next issue.

Know & Tell: Cosmo has the unique ability to uncover unusual/off-kilter trends, in the same vein as Glamour in its Dos & Don'ts section, like how Victoria Beckham is unknowingly channelling cartoon characters, the 'lukewarm boyfriend' (i.e. he's not as hot as you are), and the sharing of TMI (not a new STD: it means 'Too Much Information') online. Clever. In 'Too fat to be a model?', Comso readers are polled about the modelling potential of a 183cm, size 12, blonde model: the consensus is she looks curvy and fabulous. Further on, we think we have read the story on celebrity PAs before.

Glamour & Stuff: diamante watches, party hair, thick eyebrows (as modelled by blonde Sienna Miller), and, oops, there's the Clinique Happy editorial mention on page 56!

Style Advisor: the jacket to wear with your party dress; '6 ways to wear your bikini to the bar' (so Cosmo); Jennifer Hawkins' foolproof party outfit...

Features: as mentioned about (see 'blonde columnists/contributors) and 'Do you have a mumzilla?', 'The 5 Most Dangerous Places (for women)', 'The New Way to Think About Sex' (including, 'you don't have to be in the mood to get excited' and 'we don't necessarily need a long preamble to get going'...), 'Three Instantly Sexy Flirt Tricks' (featuring three brunette readers!), 'I'm in a wheelchair but I refuse to sit quietly' (profile of the mag's 'Fun, Fearless Female' comp winner, Marayke Jonkers), and 'Can a laser beam help you quit?' (chief sub-editor Rachelle Mackintosh tests out LaserQuit... and it works).

Men & You: cute columnist Hamish Blake tells us what he's learned about women during his three-year relationship (flowers don't necessarily always work; chocolate always works; shoe shopping never goes faster; girls that go the distance win his friends' approval; if it hasn't changed by now, embrace it; you know everything; if you're trying, you're trying too hard); and 'Will he ever marry you?' (yay, a pic of a happy-looking brunette... you know what they say; 'date a blonde, marry a brunette' – coincidentally, Husband did just that. Oh, smug!)

Fashion & Beauty: This issue, being the December one and all, is all party, party, party. The first fashion spread is 'I love the nightlife' featuring lots of cute party frocks (I am in love with the silver/sequinned Billion Dollar Babes number, $550, on page 149); the second is 'Just add water', where models Abbey Lee (she's in Frankie, Shop Til You Drop and Cosmo this month; her face and body are beyond lush) and Lizzy B don bikinis, cut-outs and full pieces on location in Samoa (it's a tough life); the third is a studio number featuring accessories in bright colours.

Part 2 of the 'Healthy Skin Handbook' aimed at raising skin cancer awareness covers cancer hot spots, unsightly looking melanoma numbers (do not read over dinner, as I did – barf!), sunscreen application tips, a Q&A with Megan Gale whose eponymous beauty label produces the much-raved-about Invisible Zinc SPF 30+, and '12 things that raise your cancer risk'. Good to see Cosmo making such a commitment to the issue... totally handy that Neutrogena's Sheer Bodytint Instant Temporary Tan (promoted within the section) is such a complementary fit (don't get me wrong – I am pro-faux-tan).

Self & Help Etc.: tips for getting a good night's sleep (note to self: "staying up late to answer emails and surf the net" means the light emanating from your computer screen will disrupt your body's ability to prepare for sleep), 'Organise your wardrobe like a stylist', 'Organise your wardrobe like a stylist', 'Shopping for plastic?', 'When sex hurts'...

Food & Bodybook: a tasty kiwi fruit snack; 'Toned in 10 minutes' (if you look at the cover, you'll see the mag suggests you can get 'The Body You Want', meaning Kate Hudson's, right?, in just 10 minutes a day!), 'What a lick is really worth' (before you gobble up that Streets Cornetto Vanilla Mint Choc, remember it will take 30 minutes of jogging or one hour of table tennis to work it off... that's in addition to your 10 minutes of toning), 'Is your handbag making you sick' (according to this article, my handbags are a breading ground of infestation).

Cool & Listed: The Veronicas, new albums by the Sugababes and Matchbox Twenty, iPod accessories, books including Alice Sebold's The Almost Moon (too depressing to give someone for Christmas, methinks), summer movies, Scribe...

What the A-List is Buying Now: pages of pretty celebrity pictures and still-life for the buying (maxi dresses, strapless dresses, puffy-sleeved dresses, '70s inspired dresses, metallic dresses... are we sensing a theme here?). Props for including GWAS favourite model Helena Christensen (brunette!).

Overall excitement factor: 7 (the changes made this reviewer happy)
Feel-good factor: 4 (I caught some of the fun party vibe)

The Stats
Issue: December 2007
Cover price: $7.20 AUD
Book size: 244 pages
Inside front cover: Just jeans
Back cover: Estee Lauder
Front-of-book ads: DKNY, Nike, Bardot, Clinique, Rimmel London, Swatch, Kylie Minogue Sweet Darling, Clarins, Avon, ghd, Toyota Carola, Peter Alexander...
Editor: Sarah Wilson
Publisher: ACP/PBL Media (a Hearst international title)

Yours truly,
Girl With a Satchel

As per request, very bad scans of Kate's Cosmo feature...